At an estimated 8-feet tall, Gossamer would tie for the title of tallest player in professional basketball history (with former Libyan pro Suleiman Ali Nashnush). We’re going even bigger, even redder (or orange-r, I guess): it’s Gossamer. Pete: On the height side, once again my fearless strategy pays off. But mainly he’s here to play lockdown defense and occasionally cause a stoppage of play when the ball … goes missing. (Metta Sandiford-Artest only wishes he had that level of commitment.) I’m also betting that, if he put his mind to it, he could do his little tornado thing to get enough verticality to actually get close to the hoop on occasion. The little rascal is such a committed defender that he is willing to go so far as to eat the ball rather than let his opponent score. What he lacks in height, he makes up for in grit. What I need right now is a tenacious defender, so I’m taking Tasmanian Devil. Pete: I will agree with you that Daffy Duck is selfish, unskilled, and a waste of space on a basketball court. And since we haven’t seen them on the court yet, you’ll have a harder time anticipating their weak spots. If Dot needs to shut down an opponent, she’s got a killer “But I’m too cute to oppose” move, or I can have Yakko distract your entire team with an enlightening song about geography. Coyote at producing explosives out of nowhere for a gag, they rely on teamwork, and they have that Tune-esque ability to just appear suddenly wherever they want to be. They’re crafty and quick, they’re just as good at Mr. And when it comes to winning out over their opponents, they have a much stronger track record than the classic Tunes crew. The Warners aren’t classic Looney Tunes, but they’re unquestionably in the same world and certainly looney and tuney. Tasha: And for my next pick, I’m taking Dot Warner. So for my next pick, I’m going to reach outside the familiar roster and try out a rookie: Yakko Warner. Daffy, Porky, Sylvester, Elmer, you name it, they’re all short and slow. Tweety lays out some sweet kung-fu moves against his opponents, but gets flattened whenever he tries to play defense. Taz has speed but not control, and he tends to eat the balls. Rewatching these films, it also becomes obvious that most of the Tunes have logged at least a little court time, but they’re all consistently bad at fundamentals. on your team, you’re sure to be dealing with a lot of friendly-fire incidents. Tasha: I want to note that while Foghorn Leghorn is tall, it’s notable how often both Space Jam movies go for “fried chicken” jokes by blowing or burning him up. will be distracted or even taken out of the game by that dastardly Road Runner, but if he can make up for it with some well-placed dynamite or a brilliantly painted fake basket that tricks the other team or a Rube Goldberg device that scores 20 three-pointers in a row, it’ll all be worth it. But this is Looney Tunes basketball, so we need tricks and complex contraptions even more than skill and size. Coyote pick by your team with a Road Runner pick of my own, so I may very well be undoing my own cause. Pete: Cards on the table: I was hoping to counter a potential Wile E. The Looney Tunes draft Round 1: Bugs Bunny vs. Once we’ve got teams drafted, we’ve asked our basketball-aficionado friends at SB Nation to make the call on who wins. Any Looney Tunes character is on the table. Curation editor Pete Volk and Film/streaming editor Tasha Robinson volunteered as tribute, and Pete won the coin flip, so he’s taking first pick at the draft. But what if both teams were made up of beloved characters? Who would win if the Looney Tunes Space Jammed themselves? We had to find out.įor the purpose of the conflict, though, we needed two team managers to draft up a couple of hopefully balanced Looney Tunes teams. “Who Would Win: Your Favorite Cartoon Characters Plus an International Sports Star, or Some Scrubs We Just Made Up for This Movie?” isn’t even that interesting a question. Thinking along those lines made us realize: In both Space Jam movies, the court rivalry between the Looney Tunes and the villains is played for big sports drama, but in both games, it’s a foregone conclusion. Prepare yourself for Polygon's Who Would Win Week. One eternal question spans all of pop culture: "Who would win?" That's why we're dedicating an entire week to debates that have shaped comics, movies, TV, and games, for better and worse.
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